In my last post I talked about "not wrong, just different" from the marriage study Love and Respect and how that phrase can be used for different things in life, not just marriage relationships. Then I pondered about what to do when someone is just wrong. Let me give you some examples and you decide if these were flat wrong or just different, and if it happened to you, how would you handle it.
1. A young boy (2 or 3 years old) kicks another boy of the same age in the face out of sheer anger and all the parent does is make the boy apologize, which of course he doesn't because he's in the heat of anger. The mom doesn't do anything else because she doesn't believe in spanking, and she tries to put him in time out, but he doesn''t stay and she does nothing to enforce his punishment. This is witnessed by the other mom and her boy that got kicked.
2. A husband has to have a serious talk to another family member and the wife gives her opinion about how to approach it and what could be said. Lots of time elapses and this conversation has not taken place yet, and the wife asks her husband why not--this is an important conversation that needs to happen because it affects their family. He tells her, "Because you said to ..................".
3. A person is not doing everything in their power to try to change their life for the better. They talk about wanting to be self sufficient, but they are relying on other things and people to take care of them.
Here's my opinion on the above situations.
1. Yes, your child needs to calm down and then apologize, but if this had been my child, he would have received a spanking. "Experts" say if you're going to spank your child, it should be only when it's for a safety reason, like they run into a busy street without holding your hand and have put themselves in danger. In the scenario I wrote about, the young boy who got kicked in the face was in danger of getting seriously hurt. The mom just simply trying to get her son to apologize and then trying to put him in time out but not enforcing it, showed the other mom and boy who got kicked just who has the control in that relationship--the child, not the mother. Proverbs 22:6 says to train a child up in the way he/she should go. This can mean recognizing their gifts and talents that God has given them and encouraging those, but it can also mean being the adult and teaching them right from wrong and enforcing punishment and discipline. To me, this situation was just wrong, not different. What would you do if you were the mother of the boy who got kicked? You would have to try to forgive so it doesn't eat you up, try to help your little child understand about forgiveness, and then you may have to no longer play with that family because you just got a huge eye opener as to how practically non existent, that family disciplines their child.
2. Ephesians 5:23 tells us that the man is to be the head of his wife. That doesn't mean the wife has to be a silent doormat, though. In the above scenario, the wife simply gave her opinion of how she would handle the conversation that needed to take place. But, ultimately, it was up to the husband how he would go about handling it. For him to turn around and tell the wife that he didn't do this important thing because of what SHE said is totally wrong. If he is the head, than he is responsible for what choices he makes and it is wrong of him to put the responsibility of what HE did or didn't do onto his wife. Her word should have been listened to and taken into consideration, but if he chose to make his wife's words the deciding factor as to what he did, then he should tell her that after weighing all of the opinions and advice that it was his decision to not act on things right at the moment and that he is praying about how to continue. This would be talking to the wife in a loving manner letting her know that he appreciated what she had to say, and that he was taking the responsibility for what he was or was not doing at the moment, but that he hadn't forgotten how important the matter was and he was in prayer about it and would act as soon as possible. What would you do if you were the wife? Sometimes it's just best to keep your mouth shut and pray for the husband to see what he did wrong. You may never get an apology from him, but keep praying for him and hope that you will be able to see God making changes in him and you'll be able to see him grow and become the Christlike head of his family that you need him to be and that God tells him to be.
3. If a person is relying on others to take care of them, that can be just plain selfishness. There may be times when a person needs help, but at some point, you need to pull up your boot straps and go do what you need to do to help yourself. There comes a point when you have to do things whether or not you "feel" like doing them. Have you lost your job and will not go out and work what you can because you "feel" a certain job might be beneath you? Okay, then how are you going to bring in any income to support your home, family, car, bills, etc.? Do you need to change your diet and fitness habits so it will keep you from having to deal with Dr's. and medications as your health continues to deteriorate, but you "feel" like sitting on the couch and vegging? How does that give you any energy to get the tasks done in your life that need to be done? Do you go to church just to be fed the Word but don't ever get involved in helping in any of the church ministries. You always tell yourself you "feel" there are others who would do a better job than you so that becomes your excuse to not do anything to help others. Galatians 6:7 tells us a man will reap what he sows. If you sow no job, than you will be in poverty. If you sow inactivity, than you will reap laziness. If you sow uninvolvement, than you reap selfishness. All of this is wrong. There must be a time when you start expanding past your own little world and looking at how your actions, or inactions are impacting those around you. You need to do what you KNOW you need to do, regardless of if you FEEL like it or not.
If you don't know what to do to change some wrong habits, the first thing is to pray to God who will give you wisdom to know what to do. Maybe you need to surround yourself with people who will be able to encourage you and hold you accountable towards working on developing right attitudes and habits. Perhaps the most difficult thing to do is to quit waiting until you feel like doing it--that may never happen. Just do it! I promise that as you continue to keep moving forward in the right direction, things will begin to be easier.
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