...to write this post. But, I am a truthful person who is a deep thinker, and even though this may hurt me, it's also healing to write about it, and it may get someone else thinking and help them out in the process. I love writing. I used to keep journals, write poetry, and would love to write a children's devotional book sometime. I still love poetry even though I really don't write it any more, the blogs I write are like my journals, and the book has been started, but we'll see if I ever get around to finishing it and trying to get it published. Anyways........
Unfortunately this morning I overheard my daughter tell her aunt that she wished her aunt was her mom because it would be fun. I didn't exactly hear her aunt's reply, and then Princess said something after that that I'm not sure what it was. Neither of my kids have ever said mean or rebellious things you hear kids saying like "I hate this family," or "I hate you," or "I don't like/love you" to me before, so I was just a tiny bit stung when hearing this. Immediately God told me that she didn't mean it, and I knew she didn't mean what she said. I used to work full time in a daycare with infants and there were times when those babies often thought of me more like their mom because they were with me all day, but their hearts truly belonged to their mommies. And there was one time I was watching a friends' son who said, "Can I call you mom?" I knew he didn't mean it, it was just his way of saying that he thought of me in that way, and I think that was what Princess was trying to say to her aunt. I kind of chuckled thinking, "Oh Princess. I'm your mom, and yes, I'm not always fun, but that's what aunts are for--to be more fun than your mom. Someday you will appreciate all of the things I did for you, even when I had to be not fun at times."
I did talk to Princess about it. The first thing I said to her was, "I heard you say something to your aunt this morning." That's all I had to say and instantly she starting weeping and saying she didn't mean it, and was sorry, and didn't know why she said it. I acknowledged that I knew she didn't mean that, told her I forgave her, and also told her that I would never say that about her being my daughter--she is my beautiful daughter and I would always love her. I could tell she felt so remorseful about it, and I didn't want her to have to keep feeling bad about it, so I just kept telling her that I loved her and it was all okay.
For a couple of weeks now, the following verse has been stuck in my head: Matthew 10:32-33 "Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven." [New Living Translation]
Here it is in The Message version: "Stand up for me against world opinion and I'll stand up for you before my Father in heaven. If you turn tail and run, do you think I'll cover for you?"
Also, this verse has come up and discussed in my Sunday school class this past Sunday, as well as my church's Wednesday night program tonight. Amazing!
The reason I first started thinking about this verse was when I wrote a blog post on my other blog about going to Vegas. They definitely call this city Sin City for a reason. Hubby and I went there to see one of my favorite singers in concert to finish my 40th birthday celebration, and whoa--we got first hand experience of why "What Happens in Vegas, stay in Vegas." To us, this place was horrible. When I first wrote about it, I said that I wasn't shocked by this stuff, because you hear about it, but "it just wasn't my thing." No, once I wrote that, I felt in my Spirit that that comment wasn't good enough. I needed to write that all of what we saw was "ungodly." Now, that may not sound like a big deal to change the wording, but it can be to some people. To say something "isn't my thing" is just passing all of that stuff off like it's no big deal. But, I am a Christian and that stuff to me is a big deal. To call it "ungodly" to some people could sound like I'm high and mighty and judging. Nope, that's not my job, that's God's, but as His follower I can't deny Him and His ways (like the verse above). I think that verse doesn't mean just denying God by using my words, but also by my actions and the way I live my life. Let's face it, Vegas is not Godly. Some of you may not agree with me at all, and might be pretty upset with me for my opinions--just remember they're my opinions. It's up to each of us to look in the mirror and look in God's Word to us and then decide for ourselves if our opinions are valid and match up to what God would say about a place (person/idea/thought/etc.), or if we need to start asking for help in changing the way we are looking at things because it's simply wrong. Yes, sometimes there is a black and white--not everything is gray.
I'm proud to be a Christian and I try to live my life as blemish free as possible, but it's impossible to do that. That's why we need Jesus, the Savior. We can't be perfect, yet He was and He died to intercede for us when we mess up and ask for forgiveness. This also means I must do my best to not be embarrassed about being a Christian. However, I live in a pretty safe country where I can go to church or pray in a restaurant and not really worry about being persecuted. I've often wondered if I was ever put in a situation where my life was in danger if I would deny Jesus or not. Peter denied Jesus 3 times; in fact Jesus told Peter that this would happen. Peter responded basically by telling Jesus he would never do that, but he did. He felt terrible for it, and Jesus forgave him. In fact Peter went on to be a powerful teacher about Jesus.
So, does Peter's example contradict what the verse above says? Not sure....Maybe the verse means that if you totally do a 180 and change your life so drastically that you completely turn sinful and don't want anything to do with Jesus any more, that you are denying Him, so Jesus will deny you? Who knows. I think there will always be that debate about whether a person can lose their salvation or not. But, why would you want to even take the chance? Considering that Jesus died for us, why would you not want to live your life in a way that honored Him in everything you do, say, and watch? My job is to hate the sin, yet love and pray for the sinner--that even includes me sometimes.
Anyways, what does this all have to do with what I started writing about concerning Princess? Well, what she said was something she didn't mean and she wept and felt very remorseful. How many times have I or you as a Christian felt or said or done something you knew was wrong, but you did it anyway and you knew it hurt God? Did it make you weep because you didn't mean to hurt Him and you wanted His forgiveness? Did He tell you He forgave you and made sure you didn't need to feel bad about it any more because He still loved you (either by telling you through the Holy Spirit, or in His Word?) Princess was a little girl asking her mommy's forgiveness because she messed up. Haven't we all been like children messing up and needing to ask our Father's forgiveness?
Lord, thank you for the opportunity to know my daughter's heart and know she didn't mean what she said, just as there are times when you know my heart and that I didn't mean whatever I said, thought, felt, or did. Thank you for showing me grace and forgiveness, so that I could turn around and offer those things to her. I pray that all of us continue to do our best to live a life that will not deny You, so that we may receive the ultimate reward of not being denied in front of You by Your Son and be able to spend eternity in Heaven with You. I pray we will always know the joy of walking with You during our time here on earth and will never forsake You just as You tell us You will never forsake us. Thank You for Your love and help us to show that love to others.
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